Writability

Fixing the First Page Feature #21

Photo credit: frangrit on Flickr

We have nearly reached April! Which is the month I graduate college, which is really weird but also awesome. Hard to believe how quickly this year is flying by. :)

But anyway! End of the month means the next Fixing the First Page feature has finally arrived!

As these things go, I'll start by posting the full first 250 excerpt, after which I'll share my overall thoughts, then my redline critique. I encourage you guys to share your own thoughts and critiques in the comments (because I'm one person with one opinion!), as long as it's polite, thoughtful, and constructive. Any rude or mean comments will be unceremoniously deleted.

Let's do this thing.

Title: ISCARIOT

Genre/Category: YA Fantasy

First 250:

"If the wind hadn’t blown her poster for History out of her hands and into Jake Hyland’s, Amanda Walker would never have started talking to him. If she never would have started talking to him, she would be on her way home instead of watching her bus pull away as Jake talked her ear off. The only good part about this arrangement was Sam Jude, who was gorgeous, mute, and standing right behind Jake.

'So, do you want to come with us?' Jake finished, completing the look with teenage boy puppy-dog eyes. Amanda blinked.

'Sorry, what were you saying?'

Jake let out an awkward laugh and rubbed the back of his neck, but he didn’t back off. He just bared his teeth in a smile as awkward as his laugh and started over.

'Me and Jude are going to go check out the old house – you know, the one out on the highway? And, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to come with?' Jake asked. Amanda glanced at Sam, who was looking behind her. 'I mean, you don’t have to.'

'How are we getting there?' Amanda asked. She didn’t really want to go, but her bus had already left and she didn’t want to walk home. On the plus side, she’d be with Sam, even though Jake would probably be vying for her attention the whole time.

Sam held up a driver’s license. Jake looked between her and it, grinning. Amanda wondered if he was ever going to give her poster back."

Okay, so, interesting start. I'm getting the sense something is going to happen at the old house they check out, though I'm already wondering if it'd be better to start even closer—like as they arrive at the house, or start to check the house out. This lead up functions well enough, but it doesn't feel to me, at this point, like it's absolutely vital for the readers to see this scene play out (though, of course, it's totally possible something happens on the next page that does make it vital, but I can only judge based off this single page).

So that's what I'm thinking so far. Let's move on to the in-line critique for a second look.

"If the wind hadn’t blown her poster for History out of her hands and into Jake Hyland’s, Amanda Walker would never have started talking to him. If she never would have started talking to him, she would be on her way home instead of watching her bus pull away as Jake talked her ear off. The only good part about this arrangement was Sam Jude, who was gorgeous, mute Rather than telling readers Sam is gorgeous and mute (and do you mean disabled mute or just not speaking right now?), I think it'd be much stronger if we saw it ourselves with a brief description (not necessarily right now) and some action from Sam, and standing right behind Jake. While I understand stylistically how the "if the" structure openings can sometimes work (and they sometimes do!) the conclusion of this paragraph doesn't feel interesting enough to me for this kind of opening to be absolutely vital. Starting with exposition is pretty tricky, and in this case, I'm not feeling that it's really doing this particular story any favors. I think this could be interesting if moved later in the narrative—maybe it's something Amanda could think about later on?—but I'm thinking starting later in the story and with less exposition would probably be more powerful.

'So, do you want to come with us?' Jake finished, completing the look with teenage boy puppy-dog eyes. Amanda blinked.

'Sorry, what were you saying?' This, to me, just reads as you, the author trying to subtly slide in the exposition, as if Amanda were thinking everything in that first paragraph and wasn't paying attention. But the way the first paragraph is written, I didn't get the sense that it was coming from Amanda. If that's what you're going for, I'd work on trying to make her voice clearer in that intro.

Jake let out an awkward laugh and rubbed the back of his neck, but he didn’t back off. He just bared his teeth in a smile as awkward as his laugh Love this! But you have two "awkward"s in two sentences—see if you can reword one? Perhaps you could describe his awkward laugh in the first sentence instead of saying it's awkward? and started over.

'Me and Jude are going to go check out the old house ~~– you know, the one~~ out on the highway?. I recommend these cuts because the "you know" makes this "As you know, Bob" dialogue. Super easy fix with the suggested cuts, though. :) And, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to come with?' ~~Jake asked.~~

*Suggested new paragraph. Amanda glanced at Sam, who was looking behind her.

*Suggested new paragraph. 'I mean, you don’t have to.'

'How are we getting there?' Amanda asked. She didn’t really want to go, but her bus had already left and she didn’t want to walk [this could be a good place to insert the detail of how long the walk would be, for verisimilitude] home. On the plus side, she’d be with Sam, even though Jake would probably be vying for her attention the whole time.

Sam held up a his driver’s license At least, I'm assuming it's his driver's license? Otherwise technically it could be read like he planned to use someone else's driver's license. Jake ~~looked between her and it,~~ grinned~~ing~~ Suggesting this change because the original read a little awkward to me. Amanda wondered (Filter phrase alert! I recommend rewriting without "wondered.") if he was ever going to give her poster back."

Now that I've read this twice, I'm feeling more like starting later, like as they arrive at the house, or start checking it out, may be a good idea as long as nothing essential happens before then. The looking back opening, if that's what you're going for, doesn't feel *quite* strong enough for me to justify this scene, and I suspect that all the character intro stuff could be slipped in equally well in a later scene. I am intrigued, however, by where this is going though, and if I saw this in the slush I'd probably skip ahead to the scene where they arrive at the house to see how it plays out.

I hope that helps! Thanks for sharing your first 250 with us, Aurora!

Would you like to be featured in a Fixing the First Page Feature? Keep an eye out for the next critique giveaway in April!

Twitter-sized bite:

.@Ava_Jae talks starting in the right place and opening exposition in the 21st Fixing the First Page critique. (Click to tweet)

YA Scavenger Hunt!

Welcome to YA Scavenger Hunt! This bi-annual event was first organized by author Colleen Houck as a way to give readers a chance to gain access to exclusive bonus material from their favorite authors...and a chance to win some awesome prizes! At this hunt, you not only get access to exclusive content from each author, you also get a clue for the hunt. Add up the clues, and you can enter for our prize—one lucky winner will receive one book from each author on the hunt in my team! But play fast: this contest (and all the exclusive bonus material) will only be online for a short time!

Go to the YA Scavenger Hunt page to find out all about the hunt. There are nine contests going on simultaneously, and you can enter one or all! I am a part of the BLUE TEAM—but there is also a red team, an orange team, a gold team, a green team, a teal team, a purple team, and a pink team for a chance to win a whole different set of books! You can see the complete lists of authors for each team here.

If you'd like to find out more about the hunt, see links to all the authors participating, and see the full list of prizes up for grabs, go to the YA Scavenger Hunt page.

SCAVENGER HUNT PUZZLE

Directions: Below, you'll notice that I've hidden my favorite number. Collect the favorite numbers of all the authors on the blue team, and then add them up (don't worry, you can use a calculator!).

Entry Form: Once you've added up all the numbers, make sure you fill out the form here to officially qualify for the grand prize. Only entries that have the correct number will qualify.

Rules: Open internationally, anyone below the age of 18 should have a parent or guardian's permission to enter. To be eligible for the grand prize, you must submit the completed entry form by Sunday, April 3 at noon Pacific Time. Entries sent without the correct number or without contact information will not be considered.

SCAVENGER HUNT POST

Today, I'm hosting Sara B. Larson on Writability for the YA Scavenger Hunt!

Sara B. Larson is the author of the acclaimed YA fantasy DEFY series, and the forthcoming DARK BREAKS THE DAWN. She can’t remember a time when she didn’t write books—although she now uses a computer instead of a Little Mermaid notebook. Sara lives in Utah with her husband and their three children. She writes in brief snippets throughout the day (while mourning the demise of naptime) and the quiet hours when most people are sleeping. Her husband claims she should have a degree in “the art of multitasking.” When she’s not mothering or writing, you can often find her at the gym repenting for her sugar addiction.

She’s online at www.SaraBLarson.com, her blog, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook!

There are at least 13 reasons to be excited about this scavenger hunt, including an exclusive look at the first part of a wedding scene for Damian and Alexa from the DEFY series!

The Wedding

The sun had just begun to set, turning the room golden and amber, when the far doors opened. My breath caught in my chest. The massive hall was filled with people—Antionese and Blevonese, and even a few Dansiians. Before I could catch a glimpse of her, they all rose and turned to face their future queen, blocking Alexa from my sight as she entered the room. Thousands of flowers tinged the air with their perfume and decorated the walls and pews in riotous bunches of color. But I only had eyes for my bride, as I waited for her to turn the corner and begin the procession down the aisle to where I waited.

Alexa had wanted a small wedding, a traditional Antionese ceremony where the bride and groom entered the room simultaneously and knelt to make their vows before their closest family and friends, but Lisbet had convinced us both that this grand affair was needed after the pain and horrors of King Hector and King Armando’s reigns of terror. The people needed to see their king and future queen wed—they needed to witness the dawning of a new hope. Alexa had readily agreed to it after that, even insisting that her dress be the color of dawn—symbolizing the start of a new day—and our new life together.

Just when I had nearly decided to command everyone to sit or to start running down the aisle myself to reach her, Alexa finally stepped onto the white fabric that ran the length of the Great Hall. Whatever air I had remaining left my lungs. She was absolutely radiant as her eyes lifted to meet mine. My heart was like a drum, pounding against my ribs as she began to slowly walk toward where I stood, waiting for her.

Her dark hair was curled but hung loose down her back, a thin coronet of white, amber, burnt orange, and yellow flowers encircled her head, a matching bouquet in her hands. Her dress was simple and elegant, a pale yellow silk that flowed over her lithe body and matched some of the flowers in her hair. She’d had it designed after her mother’s dress that had been lost in the fire that destroyed her home. I knew how badly she longed to have her family alive, to have them sitting in the front row, witnessing her marriage. I knew, because I felt the same way about my brother, my mother. And so many others. Even though the room was overflowing, and the grounds crowded with people who couldn’t fit inside the palace, there was still a pang of emptiness beside my overwhelming happiness for those who weren’t there—and never would be.

But as Alexa finally reached where I stood and took my proffered hand in hers, that remembered pain disappeared in the brilliance of her smile and the warmth of the love that made her eyes glow.

“You’re breathtaking,” I couldn’t resist murmuring, lifting her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles.

“So are you,” she whispered back, a smile playing at the corner of her lips. The golden flecks in her hazel eyes seemed almost to burn in the burnished light from the setting sun. It took all my self-control not to grab her in my arms, kiss her thoroughly, and carry her out of this room and up to mine—ours—right that moment, hordes of people waiting to witness a marriage notwithstanding.

As if she could sense the turn of my thoughts she squeezed my hand with a smirk and then turned to face King Osgand, who stood in front of us, waiting to officiate the ceremony.

We’d waited this long…I could handle another hour or two.

Maybe.

Suppressing my own smile, I also turned to face the king, ready to make Alexa my wife—and my Queen.

* * *

Want the rest of the wedding scene? Make sure to sign up for Sara's newsletter (form on her blog) and follow her Instagram @SaraBLarson – she'll be posting about it and sending it to my followers soon!

And don't forget to enter the contest for a chance to win a ton of signed books by me, Sara B Larson, and more! To enter, you need to know what my favorite number is (not-so-sneakily slipped in above!). Add up all the favorite numbers of the authors on the blue team and you'll have all the secret code to enter for the grand prize!

CONTINUE THE HUNT

To keep going on your quest for the hunt, you need to check out the next author, Cate Dean!

Vlog: Conference Tips for Writers

I haven't talked much about writers conferences, but now that I'm back from SCBWI and tour, I thought it as good a time as any to talk conference going tips for writers. Everything from self-care, to marketing, to socializing, here are some things to remember when attending writers conferences.

RELATED LINKS:

4 Reasons Writers Should Go to Conferences (vlog)
SCBWI/Book Tour Recap
On Authoring and Social Anxiety (vlog)

Have you been to any writers' conferences? What tips would you add?

Twitter-sized bite:

Preparing to attend a writers' conference? @Ava_Jae shares some conference-going tips for writers. #vlog (Click to tweet)

SCBWI/Book Tour Recap!

Hey guys! I'm back from tour and SCBWI and it was wonderful. It also looks like you guys really enjoyed the amazing guest posts we had, which is really great to see. Yay for all of us!

So now to tell you what I was up to all week.

On Wednesday, March 16th I donned my "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good" t-shirt and a blazer and flew over to Maryland! There I met up with Laura Shovan (The Last Fifth Grade of Emerson Elementary), Janet Sumner Johnson (The Last Great Adventure of the PB&J Society), and Kathy Macmillan (Sword and Verse) and we headed off to the C Burr Artz Library in Frederick, Maryland where we had our very first panel. It was super fun, and we answered questions and signed books, had dinner, and I crashed at Kathy's, who was graciously hosting me.

The next day we went to Ellicot City, where I was dumb and forgot to take pictures (I know), but we had a yummy lunch and saw some cool stores before our second panel, this time at the Bel Air Library, where we took this fabulous picture.

Friday morning, Kathy and I headed to Mercy High School where we talked to a lovely Creative Writing class about our publishing journeys and a bit about our books. The class was super interactive and asked us great questions and half a second after we took a class selfie the fire alarm went off, so Kathy and I made our sneaky escape. From there we drove over to the SCBWI conference center where we ate dinner and participated in fun ice breakers that involved writing a sentence, then drawing it, then folding it up and letting someone else translate the picture into words, etc., and ended up with hilarious results like this.

Then the next day was the big conference day! Janet and I spent the first hour critiquing queries, then after lunch we split up to do our presentations, and I ran a workshop on world building. Right after the workshop, the four of us met up and were on a panel run by Stephen Barbara about working with an agent, which was super fun. After that I took this sleepy picture, we had dinner, I socialized again and heard some hilarious stories, then I went to my room and crashed.

Tired conference presenter selfie! It's been an exhausting and awesome day at SCBWI. Feeling so blessed to have this job and also very happy to relax and mingle for the rest of the night. 😊 #selfie #authorlife #teamSCBWI #sopro #androgynous #lovemyjob

A photo posted by Ava Jae (@ava_jae) on Mar 19, 2016 at 2:49pm PDT

The next morning I attended an awesome workshop run by Andrew Harwell (Senior Editor of MG & YA at HarperTeen) where he dropped some super tweetable tidbits that I lated tweeted about. It was an excellent session.

View the story "Awesome Character Building Tips from Andrew Harwell's SCBWI Intensive" on Storify

Also, we took this picture, which looks like I'm taller than Kathy, but actually she was crouching to be nice, but anyway.

After stopping by B&N for funsies, we all headed to Laura's home and ate pizza and s'mores and maybe created a ridiculous video that involves dancing bananas dressed as Harry, Ron, and Hermione that Janet will possibly tweet on her release day TOMORROW. It was ridiculous and fun and a great mid-tour break.

On Monday we had a relaxing morning before heading off to our panel and signing at The Ivy Bookshop. Then on Tuesday, Kathy and I had another high school visit, which was a blast. We then went library/indie bookstore hopping and took a bajillion Sixteener pictures before having lunch at a really cool converted coffee shop.

From there we went to the most beautiful library I've ever been to ever called the The Handley Library in Winchester, VA where we had our final panel in an actual auditorium. And afterward we visited the Winchester Book Gallery, who was hosting our sales at the library, and we had the amazing opportunity to sign the wall they had full of signatures from visiting authors and illustrators, which was completely amazing.

And that was it! All in all, it was an exhausting, but truly incredible week. I had such a fantastic time, and it was amazing to be able to check off my bucket list item of going on tour, and talk to publishing professionals I admire as a publishing professional myself, and so many little amazing things that just made the trip fantastic.

It was, without a doubt, a trip I'll never forget. :)

Returning to Writing After an Extended Period by Wendy Chen

Photo credit: . pralad . on Flickr

It happens to all of us at some point – due to external factors, due to being dried up of inspiration, or due to a lack of motivation – an extended period occurs when we simply can’t write. To start writing consistently again after having spent all that time away can be difficult, and I certainly felt anxious at the feeling of being a beginner all over again. Here’s some advice for returning to writing after an extended period:

Remember writing is often difficult, no matter what. When I was returning to writing, I noticed how many instinctive skills had slipped away from me. Creating characters? Worldbuilding? Writing dialogue? I was checking blog posts and articles on writing every second word, frustrated at the sense that there were intuitive abilities I’d lost, and writing my first draft felt like pulling teeth with every word.

When this occurs, it’s important to remember that writing is often difficult, regardless of your experience or how long you’ve been writing consistently. You’re not a failure if you don’t immediately enter an impassioned state regarding storytelling again. Take it slowly and be persistent.

Have a set routine. I don’t think you have to write every day to be a writer, because everyone’s process is different. But if you’re easing back into writing after a long period, I’d advise you to try and do so: it’ll get you back into the rhythm of writing consistently, and help you make progress every day. Set aside a certain time of the day, have a word count goal (no matter how small) and just keep swimming!

Find simple ways to keep yourself consistently motivated. For me, that’s using a spreadsheet to track my word count and seeing my progress on the chart every day (My Write Club also does this). Simple rewards for yourself can also be really motivating: buying something nice, using special stationery, watching a film, or FOOD.

Work on another creative pursuit you enjoy. For me, that’s piano – I play it simply for relaxation and hence feel a lot less pressure than I do when I’m writing. It’s important to remember the simple joy in art, and if you’ve spent a lot of time away from writing, another creative pursuit can help spark that passion for writing in you again.

Do you have any other tips for returning to writing after an extended period?

Wendy Chen is a writer and student from Australia, with a particular passion for speculative and historical fiction, review writing and advocacy. She posts about writing and books on Tumblr, and is a contributor at That Reminds Me.

Tumblr | Goodreads

Twitter-sized bite:

How do you get back to writing after an extended break? Wendy Chen shares some tips on @Ava_Jae's blog. (Click to tweet)

Fixing the First Page Winner + YA Scavenger Hunt Announcement Post!

Photo credit: martin.grondin on Flickr

Quick two-part post to announce the winner of the twenty-first fixing the first page feature giveaway before another exciting announcement! Yay!

*drumroll*

And the twenty-first winner is…

AURORA DIMITRE

Yay! Congratulations, Aurora! Expect an e-mail from me shortly.

Thank you to all you truly lovely entrants! If you didn't win, as always, there will be another fixing the first page giveaway in April, so be on the lookout! :)

Now for part two of the post...

SURPRISE!

I'm back from tour and catching up on a million things and there's an awesome guest post scheduled for you guys tomorrow but first! An announcement! I'm doing a fun thing!

March 29th – April 3rd, 2016 I'm so excited to be participating in the YA Scavenger Hunt Spring 2016! What is the YA Scavenger Hunt? The YA Scavenger Hunt is a biannual online event that promotes collaboration between YA authors from different publishing houses, offering fans an opportunity to see the latest and greatest in young adult literature. Participating authors will share exclusive bonus material, give readers access to top secret insider information, and offer fabulous prizes and giveaways for zealous YA fans. You can find out more at YA Scavenger Hunt's site.

Here are the 9 teams of authors for the Spring 2016 hunt! Check out the teams below to see which teams your favorite authors will be on and what their featured book will be, and get ready to go hunting starting March 29!

E. Katherine Kottaras

So that's it! See you all tomorrow with our next lovely guest post! :)

Seven Reasons Publishing is Basically Baby-Making by Lara Willard

Photo credit: ilyoungko on Flickr

To give aspiring authors some context when they receive rejections, I've compared querying to dating. Not everyone is a good fit for everyone else! Here I expand that metaphor to put into perspective the entire labor and delivery of publishing, starting at the very beginning: with the awkward years.

Puberty. Writing itself is a solitary effort, a self-searching process. First drafts are always awkward, and they need some time—and plenty of revision— to mature. Friends can give you a makeover like CPs can critique your manuscript, but it's up to you to decide what to accept and what isn't you.

Dating. Once you agree your manuscript is mature enough, it's time to start looking for ~~a baby daddy~~ an agent. Every meet-cute is different. Some writers meet agents at conferences or through a friend. Most find agents through query letters, which is pretty similar to creating an online dating profile. Agents are looking for personality, something they connect with. They're also looking for red flags.

Falling in love. Your agent needs to LOVE your book, not just admire it, because he or she will be spending a lot of time with it. Someday an agent will crush on your writing so much, he or she is going to call you and ask ~~you out~~ to represent you. During the call, ask plenty of questions (see below) to decide whether this is Mr. or Ms. Right.

Tying the knot. Accepting your agent’s representation means signing a contract. Ideally, your relationship with your agent will last through your career. To make that relationship work, remember, this isn’t an arranged marriage. You aren’t a mail-order bride or groom. You don't actually work for each other. You need to work together. Make your expectations known. How often will you communicate? How editorial will your agent be? Will this agent represent any other genres or age categories you write?

Pregnancy. Submission to acquisitions editors can range from several weeks to many months, but no matter how long this gestation period is, the wait is agonizing. You make a birth plan—Ideally, what house would you pick to publish your book? Eventually you will get your book deal, but not until after plenty of ice-cream gorging.

Nesting. Once you’ve got a publisher interested, you can really start getting ready for your book to be born. Ava recently blogged about this time between book deal and due date, from covers to blurbs to debut groups.

Birthday. Everything has led to this moment. It's OK to cry. Or scream. Your loved ones will celebrate the achievement with you.

No publishing story is exactly the same, and every subsequent ~~baby~~ book will have its own labor and delivery time, either with the same agent or a new one, with a different house or at home (self publishing).

Each book published adds a new title to your biography, another line to your obituary. Not every book you write will be published—but each one written is something to be proud of.

Lara “Book Doula” Willard has published fiction, poetry, comics, essays, and two sons. When not editing manuscripts, she coaches writers on their ~~dating profiles~~ query letters. In July, she hosts pg70pit, the writing contest that ditches pitches and spotlights voice. Her blog LaraWillard.com and Twitter account @LaraEdits help thousands of writers each year.

Twitter-sized bites:

How is publishing like baby-making? @LaraEdits explains in 7 milestones. (Click to tweet)

From puberty to baby's birthday, @LaraEdits explains how publishing is like baby-making. (Click to tweet)